Rocky Road

A story of a rocky road through life including marriage and trying to have a baby we so desperately want.

Tuesday, February 28, 2006

Should I see a Counselor?

My last post updated to Feb 19th. Kev and I had seen a advertisement for a company that would help you quit smoking via Hypnosis. We know someone at work that it worked for, so Kev decided he would try it. Saturday was the day, we got up and went. My friend K was going to go to lose weight, well she chickened out before she got there. Which didn't matter because she was late and they probably wouldn't have let her in anyway. Kev threw away his cigarettes while there and then we went to lunch. I was so proud of Kev for having quit smoking. Unfortunately he has been drinking more beer since he quit smoking and he has not been nice to me. This is three days and he hides on the computer playing games ignoring me, drinking his beer, other than work only comes out of there to get another beer. I ask him a question and he gives me a snide answer or tries to make an ass out of me for even asking the question. I asked him last evening if he can at least try to be nice to me and he says "what do you expect when you change everything about the man you love?" That was like a dagger through my heart. I left the room feeling like I was going to cry. I went and made dinner. I went back in to him and explained that I only ever asked him to change one thing and that was to quit the one particular substance, not the drinking and not the smoking cigs. I would like for him to quit it all, but told him last week before he quit smoking that if I had to live with anything he could quit that substance and keep smoking and drinking beer in moderation. Instead he quit smoking, claims he quit the substance and is drinking a lot more than I would like and is nasty to me. My father was an alcholic till he was on his death bed, Kev's father was an alcoholic and thankfully stopped, I don't want to have another alcoholic in my life. I'm scared that he will never change from what he is now. And I'm not sure I believe that he has quit the substance. He makes some cash withdrawals from his bank account and I never ask what they are for, but I'm suspicious. Although if he is using it he isn't doing it when I could easily catch him. I can't seem to make him understand that I want children so badly, but I don't want to bring children into our lives when he is acting like this. We are planning for insems in May and I feel like telling him I won't do them until he starts treating me nicer and I'm sure that he is not using that substance anymore. We are going to see my parent's this weekend and celebrate my sister T's birthday. My dad used to use the same substance as Kev and stopped because my mom made him realize he had a family to care for and he wasn't really capable of doing it properly while using the substance. I feel like telling my dad what Kev is doing and ask him to talk to him. I'm just afraid Kev will get mad at me instead of hearing what dad has to say. I haven't talked to my doctor about any of this, but she mentioned when I went in to talk to her about the donor that she thought it would be a good idea for us to see a counselor before we go ahead with insems. Kev says he won't, but I'm thinking I may go to talk about this substance issue. Maybe I will get some idea of how to talk to Kev at least.


  • At 6:24 PM, Blogger Vee said…

    Hi Jo

    I just stumbled across you blog, whilst looking for some XXY stuff.

    I am really happy you have started one. It is really good to let it all out. I am sorry you are having a tough time with Kev, it sounds like you have had a really hard life and I hope that things start looker brighter for you.

    In Aus you have to have councelling before using donor sperm. It is good just to get clear any questions you may have. I think it is a good idea for you to go anyway, if it helps you deal with kev's problems.It is just good to talk to someone.

    Just one thing, when I was giving up smoking, I needed my space. It is a really hard thing to do and you do become horrible and you don't want to cause any pain but the only way to cope is to be nasty...crazy really.

    I hope he gives up the other substance, which is really concerning you. I think it is a good idea that you get your dad to have chat to him.
    Stay strong and positive !

    All the best


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