Rocky Road

A story of a rocky road through life including marriage and trying to have a baby we so desperately want.

Wednesday, June 20, 2007

MEN, Can't Live With Them, Can't Live Without Them!!!

I know it's tough sometimes at the office when one of us is out, like this week. V was in the office Monday and out the rest of the week. We both work a 40 hour week, but she normally starts and finishes 1/2 hour before me. So when she is out, I must start 1/2 hour early, but work to my regular end time, so I work 8.5 hour days. Not really a problem, 1/2 hour a day doesn't mess with my schedule much. The problem comes in when a lot seems to go whacky at the office and there is only one of us to handle everything, this week is one of those such weeks. I know it's not the case, but it seems that everything that could go wrong already has this week and it's only Wednesday morning. All this I feel like I can deal with though. What I am having trouble dealing with in my life right now is the fact that money is tight, and ttc has been put on hold, not only because of money being tight, because I am having testing done to see if there is yet another fertility problem that needs to be addressed. Nonetheless it is stressful, one of those 'damned if I do and damned if I don't' situations. I'm stressed while I'm ttc and stressed when I'm not because I have no chance if I'm not trying. One of the unfortunate parts of our situation, I can't just sit back and hope it magically happens on a rest cycle. I guess I could wish for miracle, but since records (if you are Christian and believe the Bible is a record of actual events) show only 1 immaculate conception in the past 2007 years, I have trouble believing that I will get pregnant on a rest cycle. To add to that, I get a call from my wonderful husband at 7:25am this morning asking me what I am doing....uhhh I am just about to work. The conversation continues like this:
Kev: You didn't put the dogs out this morning, did you?
Jo: No...I never put them out before I go to work.
Kev: Well you need to start. One of them just shit on the bedroom floor. *mind you this is the second time since Friday I think, but Bruiser was sick*
Jo: Maybe we need to start letting them out right before bed or pick up there food and water after they are out the last time. I don't have time to let them out before I go to work. I am already running myself ragged as it is. I'm not getting up at 4:30 in the morning to let the dogs out before I go to work.

At this point he doesn't say anything. I ask him if he is still there. He says yes. I proceed to tell him I don't understand why he even called if he isn't going to respond when I say things. It irks me, because this is how all our more serious conversations go. I say something he doesn't want to hear and he doesn't respond at all. So we will be having a conversation when I get home from work. Hopefully not a one sided conversation. I am lucky right now if I am managing to get 7 hours of sleep a night. I'm working 42 hours this week, normally 40 hours with 80minutes driving time on top of that and I still manage to get home and get dinner on the table. I tend to work on the computer while I'm eating because I feel like I can't even take the time to sit and eat without doing something else at the same time. Make it to the market twice a week, run my Avon business and make progress at that. And what is he doing?!?! Not much. Over the past 9 days, all I have seen him accomplish is cleaning the snake tank, mow 1/4 of the lawn, sweep the living room floor. One of the topics for discussion tonight will be his work situation. He is trying to run a drywall finishing business, but he hasn't had any work in over a month and with every passing week the money gets tighter and tighter. Our only saving grace has been the fact that we refinanced our house to get a lower rate and consolidated his motorcycle loan into that and in doing that we actually got to skip a mortgage payment, but the first payment on the new mortgage is coming due soon and it takes over 2 weeks of my pay to make the mortgage payment. I think it's time he looks for a full time job, because he isn't putting enough effort into getting drywall jobs. I'm afraid his business will have to take a back burner.

On the ttc front, I called the RE office this morning and my REs nurse said she would prefer I wait to get my test results directly from Dr. D since he prefers to personally speak with his patients. So I will wait for him to call me when he returns to the office on Monday. Also, the order was not written for my HSG because I wasn't sure I wanted to have it done, but I have since decided that I will have it done, so I will need to discuss that with him too. He will write the order and then I will need to call his office when my next cycle starts and they will schedule it then. For some reason they only do it before cycle day 15. I wonder if that is always the case. I think normally it would bother me that I need to wait to get my test results, but I'm almost glad to know that the reason I'm not getting them is because my RE is so hands on and wants to give me the results himself. I like the personal touch.

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Friday, June 15, 2007

Long time, No post!

Wow, I can't believe it's been almost 9 months since I posted on my blog. Since then we have done 6 more unsuccessful inseminations, a combination of IVIs and IUIs all at home. June 4th I saw Dr. D a Reproductive Endocronologist and had blood drawn for testing June 12th. I am still waiting for those results. My next RE appointment is scheduled for July 25th. I am going to call next week to get my test results and ask to have an HSG done to make sure my tubes are open. Dr. D says he has no problem with home inseminations, he just warns that it is a less effective method than in the office as they do 2 vials, while I am only doing 1. He understands there is a cost issue as well as my want to keep this as far away from clinical as possible given the circumstances. We are on a break for this cycle, hoping to get some answers in the next few weeks so we can be back to trying in August.
As far as employment goes, Kev was hit hard once again. He was permanently laid off Thanksgiving Eve. Early this year he decided to start his own Drywall finishing business which was doing great for the first couple months and now he hasn't had any work for several weeks again, so finances are getting tight and they will not be loosening anytime soon as we have a trip to Michigan and Illinois planned for August for a nephew's wedding. My Avon business has been booming a bit. I started in leadership, so that is bringing a little more money in, but not near enough as I would like just yet. Hopefully that will be changing soon.

I hope to be back to post again soon.

Tuesday, August 29, 2006

On A TTC Break!!!

DIVI #3 was unsucessful, so we are on a break from TTC right now. We took vacation in August around the time we would have needed to do an insem and we decided to leave TTC at home, so I didn't take my thermometer and didn't chart at all, while on vacation. Since then I have been charting signs here and there, but in no way have I been diligently charting this cycle. Just wanted enough info in there to make sure I get my ovulation date pinpointed. We have decided to take off next cycle as well. I bought a motorcycle just before we left for vacation and got my motorcycle permit, so I have been focusing time and energy on learning to ride a motorcycle and want to enjoy it some before winter comes. I have my safety course Sept 7-Sept 17, so I should have my license after that.
*fingers crossed* It seems that Kev will be changing jobs next week finally. We have been awaiting this change for several months, I hope everything goes smoothly as he had a drug test yesterday and has a welding test sometime this week. His last day at his old job is to be this Thursday and I have taken Friday off from work which will be nice as Monday is a holiday, so we will have a 4 day weekend to enjoy together. I got a raise at work last week, so that will help with finances some. I am hoping that we will be able to get everything caught up financially in order to be able to try in October and then I would possibly have a late birthday present of a BFP in early November. That would be so exciting. I'm not so happy about not trying because we both want a baby so much, but I am also grateful for the break. I've also been considering adoption, but need to discuss that further with Kev. My fear (on top of cost) is that we would be turned down because we both work outside the home, so I'm thinking this may be something that we have to wait to do. But I also don't want to wait too long as Kev will be 37 in January. Hopefully everything goes as planned for now and we can try again very soon.

Tuesday, July 25, 2006

DIVI #3 BFP please!!!!

We did our 3rd DIVI yesterday morning at 6am before dh went to work. We tried to get everything as similar to our first DIVI as we could since we were successful on our first try. And I believe in my heart the only reason it didn't work on the 2nd try is because I really muffed up the timing. So I am officially in the 2ww and hoping and praying for a BFP....a STICKY BFP. We are taking next cycle off as we will be on vacation before I will ovulate and I plan to leave ttc at home. So rather than stress myself about doing an unprepared DIVI, we will just skip a cycle and start back in September if this cycle is not successful. I have a very promising feeling about this cycle and getting the timing right just made that feeling stronger. Hopefully I will be able to hold out on testing though and hopefully when we do get another BFP I won't be too much of a nervous wreck feeling that a miscarriage may happen again. My OB gave me a 6 month standing order for blood pregnancy tests, but my test date isn't until Monday Aug 7th and my coworker is on vacation that week, so I'm not sure when I will be able to have blood tests done since I have to work 7:30am-4:30pm. I may have to talk my boss in to letting me just come in late and let someone else answer the phones for an hour or so. I guess I cross that bridge when I get there.

Monday, June 26, 2006

One of the worst days of my life

We lost our darling, precious, little one June 3rd. It was the worst experience realizing that I was losing our miracle baby and there was nothing I could do to make it stop. Fortunately, my HCG levels dropped quickly and the doctor gave us the all clear to try again right away. So we did our second DICI on Friday, June 16th. Over the past week or so I've been very uncertain as to whether I ovulated anywhere close to then. So I had given up hope, and then on Friday, June 23rd Fertility Friend tells me that I may have ovulated Saturday, June 17th. So now I have a bit of hope, but trying not to be too hopeful as I'm not sure I believe that is when I ovulated. So I plan to wait it out until at least this Saturday and then think about testing depending on how I feel. I feel I may have ovulated Wednesday, June 21st, so I may just wait until then and see if AF shows. I'm not sure I can handle seeing a BFN, on the other hand seeing a BFP is going to be hard as well and I really want to have my levels check ASAP if I am pregnant again. The fear of miscarrying again may be horrible. I just hope for the best right now.
I started my veggie garden about 1 and a half weeks ago and in the one corner I put a tribute flower for our angel baby and it abundantly blooms. It's so pretty. And my veggie plants are growing tall and strong. Although it's not stopped raining much for the past week and we have som severe flooding, so I hope the little plants can withstand it all.

Wednesday, May 17, 2006


I can not believe this, I know I have been away for a while, but I had to post this on here. I got my BFP last night. We did a home IVI with donor sperm Wednesday, May 3rd and I tested last evening and got my BFP and I tested again this morning and it is definitely positive. I am still in disbelief. The very first try and it worked. I will be calling my GP today to schedule a test and consult and then set up an appt with an OB. YIPEE!!!!!!!!!

Thursday, March 30, 2006

Early ovulation

I am ovulating, today I think. I don't want to be ovulating today, that may make my next ovulation fall terrible for insem timing. I know just a few weeks ago I seemed kind of excited about the possibility of our first insem being moved up to the end of April if my cycles went on the short end of my normal range instead of the long end. Well, it looks like it's happening and I'm not extremely excited and this is why. We are supposed to be at my parents the last weekend in April for an anniversary party and normally it would be easy to say I just won't go, but we have family flying in from California that I haven't seen in years. So I guess I'm just going to hope that I don't ovulate when it looks like I may...if it just holds off until May 1st we'll be fine. Early would be okay too I guess, but then I run the risk of not having the tank early enough. I never thought it would be this tough to have a baby. So many years of being told you have to use protection so you don't get pregnant, and now I come to find out it's not that easy.