Realizations

Last night was another pretty good evening. We had an appointment for an insurance agent to come to our home and offer us Life Insurance, so we did that and got it all taken care of. And in that process we found another reason for Kev to not smoke anymore. Once he has not been smoking for 1 year his policy premium will be lowered by $12/month, $144/year. That is a great difference considering my policy premium is only a little more than that total. Anyway, despite that conversation with the insurance agent Kev got his coat and got ready to leave the house and I asked him where he was going. I really should learn not to ask questions that I don't want the answer to. He told me he was going to get a pack of cigarettes and I can't even remember what I said, but I did keep my calm. I don't know if he really did buy a pack, I think he did because I think his coat smelled like cigarette smoke when he came back. But I decided while he was out last night buying that pack of cigs, that I am not going to say anything to him about his smoking and drinking anymore. Substance abuse is another story, I can't just let that go, but he says he isn't doing that so I believe him. I think maybe if I take the pressure off it may help him more, maybe me mentioning the smoking and drinking is putting him more on edge and making it harder. So we will see how this works. I don't really know how much he is drinking, I just can't keep track, but the same case of beer is in the fridge that has been there since Tuesday, so it can't be as terrible as I thought it may be. And this morning I dumped a whole beer and another half down the sink which would normally make me mad because I picture it as money going down the drain, but this is more about the health of my husband than the money. So from now on I vow to not mention it and hopefully he will really just do this on his own and tell me if he needs my support and how I should go about helping him. I figure if he does go back to smoking it isn't the end of the world, eventually he may make the full commitment to quitting and then he will be able to do it. No amount of pushing by me is going to make it happen.